How I Met Your Mother
by Heyra
Summary: [ObiKaka][Modern AU] Inspired by an american show with the same name. "Kids, I'm about to tell you the story on how I met your mother." Obito said. He stared at his children, daring them to react.
1. How I Met the Pretty Girl in the Park

**Author's Note**: English is not my first language, please feel free to point out grammar and/or spelling mistakes. Thank you. Oh, and Enjoy!

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Naruto or How I Met Your Mother. I also don't earn anything from this. This is made purely for entertainment so please don't go batshit.

**Edited on Dec 7, 2014** - added horizontal lines to indicate the switch between the story and the Uchiha family's conversation.

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><p>Obito sat on his favorite armchair while the two teenagers, a girl and a boy, sat on the sofa. The older Uchiha leaned in, clasped both of his hands together and spoke in a serious tone. "Kids, I'm about to tell you the story on how I met your mother." Obito said. He stared at his children, daring them to react. Both of the teens shut their mouths quickly.<p>

His female child faked a cough and asked. "Is it going to be long?"

Apparently, that was the wrong question since their father grinned evilly. "No it wouldn't." Both teens sighed in relief. Obito's grin widened. "I'm kidding! It's going to take us the whole afternoon!"

The two young adults groaned.

"Let's start at the time when I was still a duckling…"

"Dad" The girl sighed in irritation. "Can you just give us the really, reaaally short summary?"

"Shush, my little quackling, I'm having a flashback."

* * *

><p>Obito, at the age of six, was a weird child. He was also obnoxious, loud, clumsy and slow. And because of that, a boy with the same age hates him. Well, no. Hate is the wrong word; it was more like 'I despise you for just breathing and existing'.<p>

The said boy who hates him, obviously, has a name and that name was Bakakashi Hatake.

* * *

><p>The male teenager raised an eyebrow and asked. "Bakakashi?"<p>

"Ha-ha. When I was young, that was my nickname for him."

The boy nodded while the girl silently filed that information in her mental folder called 'Blackmail Material'.

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><p>Bakakashi, on the other hand, was a child prodigy. He was smart, silent, cool and mature. Always strict with the rules, always clean (hence the surgical mask on his face), always on time and most importantly, he was always the top of the class.<p>

* * *

><p>"Wait, is he the same Uncle Kakashi that we know of?" The teenage girl slowly asked.<p>

"Yeah, he is."

Both of the teens looked confused making Obito chuckle. "Do you know any other person that wears a surgical mask twenty four/seven?"

The siblings shook their heads.

* * *

><p>The two boys were like oil and water, night and day, fire and ice. Their personalities (the Uchiha was a ball of sunshine while Kakashi is a sky full of gray clouds), fashion sense (Obito loves clothes that would get notice even from afar while Kakashi likes clothes that are simple, clothes that would 'blend him in'), favorite flavor (Obito claims chocolate is the best while Kakashi said it was vanilla), favorite color (the other likes orange while the other likes gray) and even their hair color screams "We are opposite to one another". But despite the fact they love to argue, they gradually became best friends.<p>

The problem was both of them didn't know it at that moment.

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><p>"How could you not know you two were best friends?" The teenage boy asked.<p>

"Best friends give you gifts; Kakashi gave me a black eye."

"Oh."

* * *

><p>The time they finally realized was the day someone angrily shouted it to them.<p>

It was a bright and sunny afternoon, not too hot and definitely not chilly. Every kid down the block started to go out and play in the nearby park. Naturally, Obito would be there and Kakashi, an introvert at birth, wouldn't, but today was different. Kakashi made a bet.

Their bet was simple: whoever swung the highest in the swing set was the best. Loser would dance The Ketchup Song right in front of everybody in the park. Like the bets before, Obito would agree despite his chances of winning are low (he always loses by the way) because Kakashi, who was born smart, was also born an athlete.

Ah, life isn't fair.

At the same time they were doing the bet, Obito spotted one of the most beautiful girls he ever laid eyes upon. She was so pretty that Obito gaped while he was swinging. Thirty seconds later, he caught a bug and choked. While he choked, he fell. Obviously, the next thing happened was that he lost and danced right in front of the pretty girl and the not-so-important crowd. Kami, that was also the first time he hated a song so much he refused to listen to it up until he was_ twenty_.

The pretty girl came up to them after Obito finished dancing the _song that must not be spoken_. "Hey, what's your name?" The girl asked while trying to stifle a giggle. "You're a great dancer by the way."

Could it be? Is this it? Is this the time to shine? Obito could impress her now. "A-a…ano… Ha… haha."

"His name is idiot." The 'time to shine' door slammed him in the face and presented him a sign that says 'in your dreams'. As the metaphorical door shut, the metaphorical door to 'losing your shit' opened.

"Bakakashi!" Obito growled. "Leave us alone. Your negative vibes are spreading."

"What's worst, my negative vibes or your stupidity aura?"

Obito's left eye twitched. That was the last straw. Kakashi has humiliated him in front of his friends, family and even Kakashi's _own dad_; he would not let the silver haired boy ruin this for him. To make a point across to his not-so friend actually best friend, he used the other's real name and not just 'Bakakashi'. This is a rare occurrence by the way.

"Kakashi, I really need you to go away right now." The Uchiha whispered/snarled.

The bastard of a child just tilted his head, widened his eyes and acted innocent. "And why would I do that?"

"Because!"

"Because?"

"Ugggghhh!"

Kakashi faced the pretty girl. "Sorry, he does that sometimes. He's an imbecile you see."

Something inside Obito snapped. For the whole three years him and Kakashi has been arguing, never have they resorted to actual punching and kicking. They usually just use verbal attacks, light slapping and a few paper throws, but never roughhousing...

Obito punched him in the face.

It hurt like hell.

Kakashi punched back.

Well, that sucks.

The two continued to kick, punch, tackle and scream at each other until their parents showed up. Let's just say, they were not pleased. Not a single bit. Have you ever heard of a verbal beat down? If you have, that was exactly what happened, Obito and Kakashi's parents teaming up to give the most humiliating lectures of all time right in the middle of the park. Not only that, the two were punished by taking away their video games, their laptops, a month of freedom and the hardest part was, they were both sent into Kakashi's room to 'talk and make up'.

Inside the room, Kakashi did his best to glare at Obito who was looking around and trying to think of something to mess up, even if it was just a little. Forty minutes of scowling at each other later, Kakashi's father, Sakumo, walked in.

"I have never been this disappointed at you two before! Fighting in the middle of the park!? What were you two thinking! Is this how you treat your best friend!?"

Kakashi choked on his saliva. Obito's face looked horrified.

The silver haired boy spoke first. "We were never best friends! We're not even close to friends!"

Sakumo gave them a calculating look. "You guys are inseparable since the day you met. Yes, you two are polar opposites. Yes, you two argue a lot. But what kind of best friends don't? If you don't call it being friends, then what is?"

"We… we… we are…"

"We are rivals, sir." Obito said. His face has a complete blank façade.

Sakumo snorted. "Rivals?" He shook his head. "I think you two are just in denial." And then he left.

The young Uchiha and Hatake went quiet after that. A few hours later, Kakashi decided to break the silence by asking why Obito wanted him away when the girl approached him. Obito's face went red. "I…I… ano…she… she's pretty… a-and…" Actually, Kakashi already knew it from the moment Obito was asked about his name. He just wanted to see the Uchiha stutter. What? It was funny.

The next day, Kakashi and Obito met the girl again. This time, they properly introduced one another.

* * *

><p>"And that, kids, is how I met…."<p>

Drum roll please.

"…your Aunt Kurenai."

"..."

"..."

"DAD!"

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading! Hopefully, update days would be Saturday nights and Sundays. If this doesn't get updated, there are two reasons: Homework (I'm a college student, homework's are troublesome) or possible floods (our place loves doing that, especially Decembers because it's rainy season.)<strong>

**Good day!**


	2. How I Met the Angel in the Classroom

**Disclaimer:** I also don't own Gintama or that Hachiko movie!

**Edited on Dec 7, 2014** - added horizontal lines to indicate the switch between the story and the Uchiha family's conversation.

**Author's note (12-07-14):** One of the viewer's asked me if the story is an AU. Yes, it is an AU. They live in modern times and sadly, no ninjas. For the person who pointed that out though, thank you!

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><p>Obito watched his kids' reactions. The female Uchiha went into a long rant about 'wasting time' and 'what was the point' while the younger male Uchiha hasn't recovered yet from his own facepalm. Obito smirked. It was good to be king.<p>

"Okay, okay, settle down you two. I'm still telling you my epic tale on how I met your mother."

The teenagers gave their dad a suspicious look and then relaxed. It was no point on arguing a losing battle. Dad would do whatever he wants.

"Hmmm… where was I?" The older Uchiha clicked his fingers. "Oh yeah! After the park incident, your Aunt Kurenai, Uncle Kakashi and I became a group of three until a boy named Asuma Sarutobi came into the picture…."

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><p>Obito was in a bad mood. This new guy named Asuma kept stealing Kurenai's attention from him. It was driving him nuts. To make matters worse, Kakashi kept giving him sly looks like he knows something and he probably does, damn it!<p>

"Hey Obito, Kurenai and I are planning to see the new candy shop near the grocery store. Want to come?"

He was about to say yes until he saw Kurenai's face. The angelic face that made him adore her in the first place morphed into a monster disguised as a pretty little girl. She even 'subtly' snarled at him. "N-no thanks." He whispered. Well, there goes his first crush. That was fast. It only went on for a week before adoration went bye-bye.

Asuma shrugged and then left with the devil-er-Kurenai. Beside him, Kakashi looked up from his book and snorted. "Did she actually growl at you like a dog?"

The Uchiha nodded slowly. "Yeah, she did."

At this point, the two boys silently agreed that girls are scary.

* * *

><p>"Not all girls are scary." The male teenager uttered. "Mom is not scary. She's perfect."<p>

Obito agreed. "Your mom was indeed perfect."

* * *

><p>Both nine year old boys went inside Kakashi's room once they got bored after Asuma and Kurenai left. They proceeded to watch television. An hour of Obito laughing at the two episodes of an anime called Gintama and Kakashi staring at the screen later, the Uchiha called for the other's attention.<p>

"Hey, teme"

"Yeah, dobe?"

"School is starting next week. Do you think we'll have new friends? Last school year everybody was afraid to come near us because we argued a lot…"

"There is no time for friends once school starts."

Obito frowned. "What crawled up in your ass and died?"

"Your grades, no wait, those already died a long time ago." The Uchiha responded by throwing the remote in Kakashi's direction. The Hatake easily dodged.

Life is so unfair.

When the good anime shows were up, they proceeded to watch movies from another channel. They stumbled upon a movie called 'Hachiko'. It was about a dog that cared for its owner a lot. In fact, every day it waits for his master to arrive at the train station so they could both walk home. Sounds sweet? Well, here's the sad part. The dog owner died but Hachiko still waited.

And waited…

"Dobe… are you crying?"

"No!" But the said dobe was rubbing his eyes. "I just got dust in my eye."

"Obito, this is my room. Dusts are non-existent in my room."

The dark haired boy pouted. "Whatever!"

* * *

><p>The teenagers snickered. "I remembered Uncle Kakashi and Naruto-aniki cried at that movie when we watched it last year!" The Uchiha girl exclaimed. Her brother bit his lip as to stop the impending burst of laughter. He could still remember his Uncle Kakashi using his dad's stupid Christmas sweater, which he got from Grandma Kushina, as a towel for his tears. Fortunately, the expected outburst from Kushina didn't happen since she was also busy with her own sobbing.<p>

* * *

><p>The school finally started and Obito was late as usual while Kakashi was an hour early. Thirty minutes later, the class' door opened and a tired panting Obito walked in. "I'm sorry I'm late! I was helping an old lady with his bags and I got carried away."<p>

If you knew Obito as much as Kakashi did, you would know he was telling the truth, but sadly, not everyone is Kakashi. Obito doesn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

* * *

><p>"Definitely a good thing, just imagine more Uncle Kakashi's running around." The male teenager shivered. His sister nodded while patting her brother's back. Obito's sweat dropped.<p>

* * *

><p>"Obito!" The teacher, which name that slipped away from his mind, yelled. He then began giving the poor Uchiha a lecture about being on time, yadda, yadda, yadda, punctuality, yadda, yadda, yadda. Obito doesn't care. He did a good thing earlier by helping an elder and no one could change his mind about it.<p>

While the teacher hasn't finished his long rant yet, Obito made a quick glance to his new classmates and his friends. He saw Kurenai seated next to Asuma on the second row (he almost rolled his eyes on that), Kakashi seated right in front of the teacher's desk, and….

..and…

… And an angel seated next to Kakashi.

Obito quickly looked back at the oblivious teacher, trying to hide his blush. 'No not again' he thought 'traitorous heart'. When he glanced back at the angel who was busy scribbling on her notes, he saw Kakashi staring at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Obito, you may now take your seat." The teacher said.

There wasn't much to choose from. It was either the seat at the very back or the seat at the third row next to the kid who got a bowl cut for a hairstyle.

'At the back it is.'

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><p>"A kid with a bowl cut? Let me guess, it is Uncle Gai isn't it?" The younger male asked.<p>

"Yup!" Obito happily answered. "Even before you two were born and even before I met your mom, Gai has been terrorizing your Uncle's life." The older chuckled. "I love that dude!"

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><p>Classes went slow and Obito almost slept at math class. Stress the almost part because he was proud he didn't fell asleep. Kami! The teacher's voice could put everyone in a sleeping spell. In fact, his seatmate on his right got hit already. He tried helping the dude by nudging at his leg but alas, the boy just mumbled and went back to his morning nap. If Obito was being honest, he was a little jealous.<p>

When the bell rung indicating it was break time, Obito ran to Asuma and Kurenai, grabbed both of their hands and dragged them to the cafeteria. Kakashi walked behind them, shaking his head in exasperation.

Once all of them got their meals and got properly seated on a table, they ate silently. That is until Kakashi peeked at Obito who was uncharacteristically quiet. The Uchiha was poking at his food deep in thought like it has the answer to the universe. Like the bastard of a best friend that he is, he wanted to irritate the boy just because.

"I saw you blushed when you looked at the girl seated right next to me. Is it a new puppy love target?"

Obito's face paled. "What? What are you talking about, Kakashi? What do you mean puppy love target?"

The Hatake smirked. "I knew it. You do like her."

"Now, wait just a minute! You can't just suggest such ridiculous stuff. You don't even have proof, Kakashi."

"I have proof."

The three other people who were not Kakashi on the table leaned in and patiently waited for the silver haired boy's said 'proof'. "You just used my real name on a sentence."

"….."

"You didn't even use the nicknames Bakakashi or teme."

"….."

"You didn't even call me bastard."

"….."

"It's a given fact that you only use my name when you're serious or nervous. And before you call it bullshit, last time I caught you stealing one of my cookies you used my real name. Last time I called your younger cousin, Itachi, a little brat you used my real name. And just now, you used my real name. It's a very amusing habit you got there." Kakashi smirked. "It's very easy to take advantage of, also."

Kurenai gasped.

"What!? You wouldn't believe Kakashi's stupid theory, right?" Obito watched as Kurenai and Asuma gave him a blank stare.

"It's not a theory, it's a fact." Kakashi triumphantly said.

"W-whatever!" Obito pouted and then muttered. "Traitors…"

* * *

><p>Both teenagers made a thoughtful face. "Now that you mentioned it, you only call Uncle Kakashi, 'Kashi', when you're with him and when you think he made something wrong, 'bastard'." The female of the two indicated.<p>

The younger male agreed up until he remembered something. "But I do recall once when dad used Uncle's full name. It was the day he let sis over here go to a concert without permission." His sister paled at the memory while Obito got irritated. The older Uchiha still doesn't know what kind of bribery his little quackling did to make Kakashi agree to let her go.

"Let's move on!" The teenage girl declared before his father could have anymore thoughts about that day.

Obito eyed his children carefully. His princess is growing up just like her father, a mischief maker, while his young warrior is growing up like their mother, a nice peacemaker. He chuckled at the thought, making the teens tremble in fear. The daughter thought their dad was setting up a revenge plot that, mind you, he was really good at, while the son thought their dad was thinking of something embarrassing that would not end well in the future.

"Let's just move on!" The teenage girl repeated.

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><p>Classes resumed after the break time. It was boring like always and Obito spent most of his time doodling. It doesn't matter if he understood the subject at hand. He would annoy the Hatake to teach it to him later anyways. If he refuses, he could always tell Uncle Sakumo that Kakashi was being an ass. Kakashi couldn't say no after that.<p>

Two hours finally ended and the time to go home has finally come. Obito fixed his bag, only to realize his 'friends' has left without him and the class was empty. He sighed. Some friends they are.

He pulled out his phone and started texting a group message to Kakashi, Asuma and Kurenai.

_To: Bakakashi Teme; Asuma; Scary Kurenai;_

_I can't believe you left me alone, you traitors! After teasing and suggesting horrible things with me earlier, I thought I could trust you guys to make it up to me after. Guess I was wrong. You should be ashamed of yours-_

His texting got interrupted when he crashed at somebody and his phone fell to the floor.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to! I just forgot my notebook and… and…." The angel from before started to stutter and explain on how she forgot her notebook to the time she realized she actually forgot her notebook. Obito listened intently like a dog would listen to its owner.

Once the pretty girl's explaining was over, he spoke. "It's okay. I don't mind." He gave a sheepish grin. He reaallly doesn't mind. Not at all. No suree!

"Thank you, thank you, and thank you." The angel gave his arm a hug. It made the Uchiha's blood rush to his face. "Oh, which reminds me, have you seen a little green notebook around here somewhere?"

"No," The boy shook his head. "I wasn't paying attention much, honestly."

With that said, both students started rummaging the classroom only to find it notebook-free. "That's weird; I could have sworn I left it here. Hmmm…. Maybe it just fell from my bag."

"Maybe it did."

"Well, okay! Since it's not here, I need to go home now before my mother kills me. Thanks for helping me, uhmm…"

"Obito"

"Thanks for helping me Obito-kun!" The angel bowed and waved good-bye, leaving the Uchiha with a fluttering heart and goofy smile.

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><p>"And that, kids, is how I met one of our neighbors, Shizune."<p>

"Lady Shizune, Tonton's owner?" The male teenager asked.

Obito nodded. "Yeah, you know, the lady that pays you to babysit the cute little pig."

"….."

"….."

"Dad, when are you actually going to tell us the time you actually met mom?"

"What are you talking about? I am telling you the story on how I met your mother."

"Uh-huh, is Lady Shizune secretly our real mother?"

The older Uchiha's face was absolutely horrified and annoyed. Horrified at the mere implication and annoyed that they implied it. "What!? No! Shizune-chan isn't your mother!"

"Then get talking!" The female Uchiha demanded.

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><p><strong>I posted earlier! Yay! Don't expect me to update at Saturday though... but if my brain is still alive, I might do.<strong>

**Thanks for reading!**


	3. Rewrite for the Better

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

**I'm sorry for not uploading any new chapters for so long. I've had a rough month and it's not getting any better.**

**Also, I've reread what I wrought and I felt like I want to rewrite everything from scratch.**

**I'm rewriting How I Met Your Mother and Niji currently.**

**Wish me luck! :D**


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